Put your Honey where your Mouth is' ™

(Tips on marketing honey by Chad Cryer)

When I set about marketing my honey, I realised that the jar labels were of great importance and I took into account some useful marketing tips. Sex sells, so why not let the main feature of the label depict some gorgeous model, (male or female) enjoying the product. For very little money I employed a Slovakian student to indulge herself with a jar of my finest while I took photos of her sitting on a National hive. These particular jars of honey sold like hot cakes, they were accompanied with the catchy logo, 'Show me the Honey.' Strangely, selling these jars at the local church fete I found I was left at the end of the day with several label-less jars. Without wanting to accuse any members of the congregation, I would advise you to choose a label with a strong adhesive.

The inclusion of the word 'pure' in the label is I feel, unnecessary. The public will not suspect the jar to contain 'contaminated' honey for instance. I learnt that orange juice manufacturers were able to make a lot of money through selling orange juice 'with bits.' The public's peculiar penchant for 'bits' suited me perfectly especially as I have a rather dodgy sieve on my settling tank. I have therefore made a point of including the words 'with bits,' as this covers me for the odd leg which may appear on my buyers toast.

Having seen our editor's honey label I am driven to making a few suggestions. I wonder if he could encounter difficulties with the trade descriptions act. Does he really keep bees in the straw cone shown on his labels? If so I apologise. Your product needs to be unique; this can prove difficult with such a natural product as honey. However, this problem is easily overcome. By getting two friends to write down that they believe your honey to be less sticky than other honey, or even to give you an award that they have invented, you can claim 'reduced stickiness' and 'award winning' on your label.

With regard to the requirement for name and address of producer I saw fit to write ''Chad from Wiltshire'. I'm not keen on the idea of weirdoes and freaks turning up on my doorstep sniffing around my hives expecting free samples.

Then we come to the all-important Best Before date. I have toyed with many an idea of what to write under this. By writing 2009, it is as if we are expecting the honey to stay in the jar for some time, like that jar of mouldy old Bovril: we must be more optimistic. I got around this problem by writing, Best Before, see end of jar. And to the bottom of the jar I stuck another photo of the same scantily clad Slovakian holding a sign which read Bed Time. As I say, they sold like hot cakes.